Hey there, hi there. Yup, I am talking to you. I am currently sitting in my kitchen, halfway around the world from where most people will read this. I am an outsider. Perhaps that is why my perspective is what it is.
Lets get a few key things straight before we really delve in…
1. Yes. I am fat. I am not morbidly obese, but I am a big girl all the way around. While I don’t like this fact, and I am working my butt off (hopefully) to change at least part of that aspect, it is what it is.
2. I have NOT always been fat. My current state is a result of MY poor choices.
3. I am NOT an activist. I am merely a wife and mother who is saddened by the things she sees going on.
4. I am NOT pleading for “fat rights”, I do not believe in excuses.
5. I hope that this makes you THINK. I hope that what I am about to put forth perhaps will even change a few thoughts; I really hope that it makes for some kinder hearts.
Let’s roll!
Dear people:
Why do you get off on putting down others in order to make yourselves feel better about yourself? How does it help to point out your perceived superiority? Do you really have so little going on in your life that all you have to look forward to is slamming random strangers?
You don’t know me. Maybe I am that fat girl in the Zumba class you make fun of. Maybe I am the woman in the grocery store with the screaming kid. Maybe I am that fat lady with the cart full of junk food.
Truth be told, I am probably none of those things, but that is irrelevant. I once was like you. I would go to the beach in my hometown, and people watch, and point out the bigger people and say “God, if I EVER get that freaking big, do me a favor, put me out of my misery and shoot me”. By that request alone, I should have been dead a long time ago. The poor woman I had been commenting on was a young, pregnant mother, chasing a toddler around the surf. Shame on me. My only defense – I was young, shallow and stupid. That does NOT make it acceptable.
I have walked around the past 12 years or so, in shame. I became what I made fun of. I took the easy route, and believe every excuse that came from my lips to the fullest. Here I am now, working hard, eating well, and trying to shepherd my family into better health.
I have some wonderful friends. I have some amazing friends. I have friends that are fat, I have friends that are skinny, I have friends who are in better shape than most of us could ever dream of. They worked hard for that, I see that, and appreciate the sacrifices they made for their health. They aren’t out scarfing down half a pizza. They aren’t eating a bag of Halloween candy all by themselves. Good for them! Most of us would kill for that kind of willpower. That said, everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE has his or her issues. Who says that one person's issues are any better than anyone else’s? Those who make fun of and put down others, well, their issues are BIG. They are inside their own heads, and they are big, mean, ugly, hateful, and would require a lot more than dieting and exercise to get rid of.
I try to live by the golden rule – Do unto others, as you would have done unto you. This is an AMAZING philosophy – it encompasses so many religions and schools of though. The golden rule is SO simple, that we teach it to preschoolers, and yet as adults, so many of us think we are above it, we think because we understand higher reasoning that it no longer applies to us – we went to confession, we got baptized, we accepted Buddha, whatever. The funny part of that, is the golden rule is a part of each and every religion – it is old testament, it is Muslim, it is Catholic, it is Protestant, it is Jewish, it is Mormon, it is Buddhist, it is Hindi – you name it, it’s there.
The golden rule is simple. TREAT OTHER PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. If you want to be ridiculed, ridicule others. If you want to hurt, hurt others. If you want to elevate yourself, ELEVATE OTHERS. I am NOT a judge. I am NOT perfect. I TRY though to be a good person. I TRY to make things around me better than when I got there. Do you? Is your ridicule making a positive impact on anyone around you?
There are so many big things to worry about. There are always people who are in a much worse situation than you are in, and yet petty rules the day.
As I said before I don’t believe in excuses. People are what they are – if you are fat, you are fat, if you are skinny, you are skinny – there are always reasons behind everything, and quite honestly your reasons are your own, and none of my business. Own up to yourself, people! Denial doesn’t help anyone, it doesn’t change perspectives, and it just hurts you in the long run. At the end of the day, we are only accountable to ourselves.
Can you look in the mirror and honestly say that you are a good person? Can you honestly look in the mirror, and know that you made someone’s life better today? Do you think that your “witty” sarcasm, or outright cruelty towards the heavy person you saw today helps them? If your biggest, darkest, most horrible fear or secret were made open for public scrutiny, would you want people like you commenting on it? Do you think it would help you feel better about yourself?
I am just an overweight, sometimes single mom. I work hard, I eat well, and I go to the gym. I see everyone around me. I see the ones who are too skinny, I see the ones who are fat like me or more so.
I cheer them all on. I hope you can learn the compassion to cheer them all on too. There is enough crud flinging around the world, don’t you think? Why add to it? I don’t care whether you are Cross Fit, Zumba, Pilates, Running, Walking, or Weight Lifting. Good for you.
I will always cheer you on.
